Someone to vent to.
An honest list of where to go, what each one is good for, and when it’s the wrong one.
If it’s more than venting tonight, if you’re thinking about hurting yourself or not being here, call or text 988 (US), or text TALK to 741741. Free, any hour, a real person.
A friend
Free
Best when you want someone who knows the whole cast of characters. Worst when the thing you need to say is about them, or when they're carrying their own week.
A free peer listener
Free (7 Cups and similar)
A trained volunteer, usually within minutes, usually a different person each time. Good for getting it out tonight. Nobody remembers it tomorrow.
A paid listening app
About $8 a month (HearMe and similar)
Quick, anonymous text chat with whoever's on shift. Same trade as above: fast, kind, and starting from zero every time.
A therapist
About $70 to $150 a week online
The right call when it's heavier than a bad week, or keeps coming back. It's treatment, with someone qualified, and worth every dollar when it's what you need.
One person who writes back
$25 a month (this)
Not instant, and not treatment. The same person every time, who remembers last week and asks about it. For when you'd rather be asked what you think than talked down from something.
Venting versus being asked
Venting is getting it out. It helps, for an evening. What tends to help longer is someone who wants to know where you landed, and asks the next question a day later. That’s rarer than it should be, and it’s the difference between being heard once and being known a little.
If you’ve been trying to vent to people who aren’t really listening, here’s what’s usually going on.
What this is
The Small Hours is one person, Cal, writing back to you by the next day because he’d like to know what you think. $25 a month. Not therapy, not dating, not a bot, not a newsletter.
I’m starting with a small number of people, because it falls apart if I don’t keep up. Leave your email and I’ll tell you when there’s room.